I turned 30 almost two months ago and, while I was dreading that particular milestone for the better part of the year (mostly due to my personal circumstances making things seem quite bleak), I’d have to say that this has turned out to be the best birthday yet!
I think I just spend too much time in my own head, except not with happy daydreams but just generally being an unhelpful bitch. I’ve spent years mired in regret over choices that I made, convincing myself that because I did this or that that I fundamentally messed up my life, that the sad and hopeless situation I found myself in at 29 was not only of my own making, but also my just deserts.
Unsurprisingly poor motivation to dig myself out of my slump.
And I don’t really know what changed for me this year. Maybe I stopped thinking of the praise and encouragement from my friends and family as them just being “nice” and started believing in myself again. Maybe I looked around and realized how much of life I was missing out on by punishing myself for decisions that maybe weren’t the best, but seemed right at the time.
Whatever the reason, even before my milestone birthday this summer I started making big changes. Listening to my heart again instead of my head and making decisions that seemed rash but felt right.
Like basically rolling out of bed one day and taking myself to a Mazda dealership to buy a new car. Even if it would severely stretch my limited budget.
Like signing a lease on a duplex pretty much on the spot, and scrambling to move myself in two weeks later. Even when it seemed to some like the last thing I should be worrying about at the moment.
And also, like not giving up on applying to great jobs and convincing them, and myself at the same time, that I’m a boss ass bitch who gets shit done. I start a new job in two weeks!
So basically, with the threat of being 29 and sad becoming the threat of being 30 and sadder, I apparently went step by step with a few of the things it was within my power to change and overhauled my life.
Which means that, including trying to eat healthier and start dating again, 30 is looking like the best year yet! I haven’t been this positive and happy in a really long time, and I can’t wait to see what else this year will bring. And that’s something I know I haven’t thought in years!
So while I’m in no way qualified to dish out life advice, if anyone asked me I would say that I think we all possess an innate sense of what we need to be happy. So if you strip away what others expect of you, or what you think you “should” do, and just close your eyes and dig deep and listen to your own instincts, they will not steer you wrong.
It was definitely a hard lesson for me to learn, but with this high-on-life feeling I’m feeling right now, it’s also one that I know I’ll never forget.