Maybe my brain is wired differently, but I almost always have vivid dreams. No, wait. I almost always have strange, vivid dreams. I keep a dream journal in my bedside table so that on those frequent occasions when my dream is so strange that even my dream-self starts thinking “Wtf?”, I can write it down once I’m awake. My favourite dream involved a talking, zombie cow that I had to walk to the Black Market, which was an actual, physical destination about three towns away. At the end of the dream I saved the cow from his questionable fate at the Market, and we went on the lam. We made it safely to my ranch (which looked an awful lot like a plot of land from World of Warcraft), and he lived there for the rest of his undead days. Best dream ever.
Last night’s feature was actually a close second. It’s a recurring dream that I’ve been having for the last few months, and it always starts in about the same place, but builds a little more each time. The dream involves an argument between two of my real-life friends over whether or not to chop down a pine tree, and as the conflict gets more heated I end up in the middle trying to keep everyone reasonable.
Last time I had this dream, one friend finally got fed up with the discussion and just went ahead and chopped down the tree. Last night the other friend (who in reality is infinitely patient and sweet) found out what happened and completely lost her shit. Teary-eyed and filled with a murderous rage, she threw the poor tree in a wood-chipper and then everything else she could get her hands on, myself included.
I’ve been chased down by secret agents, drowned in the sea and pushed off a cliff in my dreams, but death by wood-chipper was a definite first. I’m having brunch with both of those girls this Saturday, and I can’t wait to tell Nicole that she killed me because of a tree.